Dan sits confidently in the hospital waiting room while his heart is delivered by helicopter. It's being rushed there very quickly by an ambulance. Meanwhile, a man waits with his dog(which has apparently swallowed a bunch narcotics.)
Haley wasn't fired after all...she was just suspended. Crusty principal lady wants Haley to issue a formal apology. Actually, the apology is already helpfully typed out. Haley just has to sign it. If she does not, then she will be fired.
Dan's new heart arrives at the hospital. The courier trips over the leash of the dog(being petted by Dan.)The heart goes flying out onto the floor, where it is promptly eaten by the dog. Holy shit. There is so much wrong with this scenario I don't know where to begin. Why is the heart just sitting bare on some ice in a styrofoam container? Why does the courier come walking right through the damn waiting room? Isn't there some kind of special entrance for that sort of thing? The mind boggles.
Samantha catches Jack shoplifting in a grocery store, so she does what any friend would do: she takes the blame. This of course leads to a meltdown from Brooke. Brooke wonders why she even bothered opening up her heart(and her home)just to be disrespected! The store doesn't press charges, because Brooke cried and told the cops Sam was "retarded."
Bad news from the production company: the movie is dead. Paul was fired from his job, which means all the projects he was working on are canceled. Julian tries to convince Lucas that things maybe aren't so dire, because a lot of other execs were interested in the film as well. He leaves to make some calls. As for Reese..he's just happy he still gets paid(it's part of his contract.) At least he's consistent in his dickishness.
Dan is pissed! He wades out into the ocean and taunts God for trying to finish him off in ridiculous ways(crazy nanny, heart eating dog.) He claims that he has shown sufficient remorse for his misdeeds, so way can't he catch a break?
Jamie is a genius: he's using the Sims game to build his own virtual Tree Hill, complete with avatars of everyone. Is that even possible to do with the Sims?
Brooke avoids Julian's many phone calls, until Samantha intervenes. Julian delivers the news that he will be leaving Tree Hill, now that the movie is probably dead. Brooke goes to the bar, where everyone else is whining about their current problems. Lucas is out $300,000! Debra broke up with Skillz! Haley hates the principal!
Reese departs(rather ostentatiously) in a helicopter. He leaves Lucas and Julian a gift: he filmed at least some part of the movie, which means they get their production bonus after all. Lucas still has his 300 grand. Yay.
Haley tells her class that printing Samantha's essay was the right thing to do, because the truth matters. The principal just stands there and glares. Haley went out like a boss. No worries, though: she is immediately hired by Peyton to be a producer on Mia's latest record.
There's nothing left for Dan to do but leave town. But first, he visits the river court to see Lucas and Nathan. He apologizes to them for being such a horrible father, and expresses his admiration for their brotherly bond. Sob.
Jamie shows his mother his virtual Tree Hill, in which Uncle Dan gets his heart, and still living Uncle Keith visits recuperating Dan in the hospital and share some laughs. Haley is moved to tears! Double sob.
Julian is already expressing his love to Brooke, which freaks her out but good. She locks herself in the bathroom.
Mouth comes home to unexpectedly find Millicent picking up the rest of her things. They have a brief, and very painful conversation. Millicent is leaving for New York for good(or so she claims.)
Peyton is once again beset by crippling abdominal pains. It's not good news: she's informed by the doctor that giving birth could kill her, or she could live while the baby dies. Peyton and Lucas argue when he brings up the dreaded word(abortion.)He wants to save Peyton's life: she calls him is a dick putting a guilt trip on her. The whole thing is made worse by the fact that Lucas already has the nursery fully prepared.
Peyton assures Lucas he has Nathan, Brooke and the whole town to help him raise the baby if she were to die. I don't like this! Go back to the crazy plots, One Tree Hill.
Millie had laser eye surgery. No more glasses. Bummer. Mouth fully admits to his wrong doing, even going so far as to show Millie his $300 phone bill with all the text messages he got from Gigi. He does his best to convince her not to go by listing all her loveable quirks. But Millie knows that sometimes love just ain't enough. So, she leaves.
Haley and Nathan have been married for 7 years! There's finally some happiness in this depressing episode. Look how cute they are opening fortune cookies and reading the lame vague messages. OH, WAIT...Haley takes all the air of the happy occasion by revealing she got fired. Now she's thinking of moving to Charleston with Jamie to be closer to Nathan's team. The couple go on a tour of a prospective home.
Nathan suggests Haley go back on tour, because that worked out so well for them last time(sarcasm.)As for Jamie: home schooling! It would work. Haley just reads one book on the subject, and becomes an expert.
Julian won't leave, because he wants to know what Brooke's reticence is all about. Is it possible she's still afraid of getting her heart broken so many times, by Lucas, her mother, Felix, and that one teacher whose name I can't recall right now? Yes it is! Anyway Julian offers a compromise: he'll forget he told Brooke he loved her if they can just keep on "having fun." He compares his words to a deleted scene from a movie. He talks a good game, but when Brooke leaves the room, you see his true feelings: the poor guy's heart is broken! Boo.
Debra and Dan play nice while babysitting Jamie. Debra wants her ex husband gone the second Jamie is in bed, but she still can't help reliving the past. You know the whole Keith situation. Dan reminds Debra she poisoned him, which he claims is the reason he murdered Keith.
Debra is glad Dan will croak soon, because that means there is justice in the world. Then Jamie appears, as if on cue, holding Dan's flashing beeper! He's gonna be okay after all!
Julian pretends to get a phone call from the production company and splits. He brushes off Brooke's offer of fun times later on. He seems to be an utterly broken man. Next episode: Julian is an utterly broken man.
In which Lucas, Julian and Reese cast actors for their movie.
Nathan and Haley(the real ones) are on hand to watch an audition where the actors read through the script of their first meeting. It's not a perfect retelling: the "Nathan" is shirtless, and the "Haley" is very Alyson Halligan-ish. The real Nathan doesn't approve of Reese's misogyny towards the actress. and calls the director a jackass right to his stupid face. Reese finds Nathan extremely likeable, even when being threatened by him.
Peyton receives a baby crib as a gift from Karen and Andy. This crib spells doom for Peyton: she cannot assemble the damned thing. That's right: comical Peyton subplot!
Make that two comical Peyton subplots: she goes to visit Lucas, hard at work, and is mistaken for an actress trying out for a role in the movie. She has to audition, just to speak to her fiancee! Ha. Comedy. "She's too old, She would be perfect for Deb," quips Reese.
The role of Brooke has already been cast, and while the real Brooke is excited to meet her counterpart(Missy) at first, this quickly turns sour when the actress starts following her around everywhere and mimicking her mannerisms. "How many cigarettes do you smoke a day to get your voice to sound like that?" wonders Missy.
Dan gives Jamie girlfriend advice, and even uses his beach house to host Jamie and his date. But..SURPRISE! Jamie's crush is his teacher, Lauren. Dan cannot help but work his charms on the young woman, at Jamie's expense of course. Jamie does not react well to this, and Reveals Dan's criminal past to Lauren very unsubtly(as kids do.)
Skillz visits Peyton and Lucas' home in his role as an official baby proofer. He finds many things wrong with the home, including that crib. Peyton couldn't construct it properly, even with help from Mia.
Haley announces that Samantha has won the school essay contest. Since Haley has control over what gets printed in the school paper, she decides that Sam's essay about her trouble d life should be there for all to see. The principal calls Haley into her office and tells her the essay is not acceptable because of the references to sex and drugs, and warns Haley not to print it.
Brooke is so worn out by being followed around by Missy, but she's overjoyed by Sam's essay win. Look at how happy Sam is! That's probably the first time she's smiled in her whole life. Well, except for that other time when she hugged Haley up there...
Haley prints the essay in the paper anyway. All the kids think Sam is way cool. But Haley is in deep trouble with the crusty old lady principal. Oh, no! That's what integrity gets you.
Bobby cuts Fox cut from the team, due to his hot dogging antics! Nathan was on board with this, but immediately regrets it when he sees that Fox has a young daughter and a very pregnant wife. Fox's position is immediately filled by another player,,,with the exact same attitude as Fox. It's crazy!
Fergie visits Lucas to find out who will be playing him in the movie. Lucas tells him that some characters had to removed when the transition was made from book to film, and Fergie did not make the cut. Tell me, why does Lucas have so many friends and loved ones? He certainly doesn't deserve them.
All the actors were finally cast. The old guy can only be playing Whitey. Why does he have a beard? The "Nathan" from the beginning audition made it, but the "Haley" is not the Alyson Halligan-ish one. The "Peyton" will be going places in her career, I bet.
