I only watched it for...JENNIFER GARNER!(Part 2)

In the pretty good but not perfect movie Daredevil(2003) Matt Murdock(The Ben Affleck) doesn't need sight to know that Elektra Natchios is smokin'. They have a"meet cute" in the diner. It turns out that Elektra doesn't like to be followed, even by blind dudes, which leads to a gravity defying fight on a playground seesaw in full view of a group of children.

Elektra's father is murdered, so she does what any of us would do in that situation:  practices crazy martial arts with sais and dresses up in a costume for revenge! Gratuitous violence against sandbags!

Elektra finds herself  outmatched by wacko assassin Bullseye(Colin Ferrel.)She gets skewered by her own weapon, first through her hand, and then right through her pretty little heart!

Ouch! Somebody call a doctor! Perhaps Jennifer Garner's character from Dallas Buyer's Club.

 

BONUS:  The DVD has a behind the scenes special which aired on HBO, hosted by Her Royal Lipiness. There's a cute moment in which Garner expresses love for those sea monkeys that were advertised  on the backs of old comic books. Worth the price of the whole thing!

I only watched it for....JENNIFER GARNER!

Arthur(2011) is a remake of the classic 1981 film starring Dudley Moore. It features Russell Brand, as the title character, a playboy who spends his days engaging in drunken shenanigans, much to the chagrin of his caretaker/parental figure Hobson. Hobson is played by Helen Mirren here, and John Gielgud in the original. Apart from the gender switch, the characters are essentially the same: Hobson is a Brit with a dry biting wit who doesn't put up with Arthur's man child shit!

Arthur will be cut off form his inheritance if he does not marry Susan, his mother's assistant(played by JENNIFER GARNER!)Susan is not very likeable, but she sure doesn't deserve what happens to her in the movie:

A drunken Susan shows up to seduce Arthur. Arthur wants none of it despite the fact that Susan is wearing sex lingerie. Susan attacks Arthur, and as the two of them are crawling around on the floor, Susan gets stuck on the bottom of Arthur's bed.

You see, Arthur has this big round bed that hovers in the air on a magnetic field. Susan crawls under it and the metal in her outfit causes her to stick to it. HA HA!

 

That never would have happened to her character in 13 Going on 30!

Bounty Killer

BOUNTY KILLER( MARY IS QUITE CONTRARY!)

SYNOPSIS:

Corporations take over the governments of the world and promptly go to war with each other, destroying civilization as we know it. A new government calling themselves the "Council Of Nine" forms and employs...you guessed it...Bounty Killers, to hunt down the CEO's and kill them for profit. The first bounty killer known as "Drifter" has been eclipsed in popularity by Mary Death.

Mary Death is something, I'll tell you what. She wears a skin tight outfit and  white go go boots. The boots have razor sharp spurs that Mary uses to cut throats with, because what else are spurs for? She also kicks ass, shoots big guns, and drives a yellow Mustang with a badass logo emblazoned on the roof.

Also occupying the post apocalyptic wasteland...cannibal gypsies! The highlight of the movie occurs when the Drifter and his partner(called a "gun caddy") still the gyspies coach(a trailer powered by two motorcyces) which leads to a chase across the desert. It bares a little resemblance to the Mad Max movies. Okay, more than a little.

One of those evil CEOS is played by Kristanna Loken. Her image also appears on a poster at the beginning of the movie, and it is obviously meant to invoke that propaganda art used during World War 2. It's one of those blink or you'll miss it kind of things, which is a shame, because it's well done. Also, she has a wacky hairdo.

For a low budget film it looks pretty good. The action scenes are well staged and you can actually see what 's happening. No shaky cam here. Some CGI blood mixed with real fake blood. Gary Busey shows up and acts crazy. When does part two come out? More Mary Death please.

Getaway

GETAWAY(AKA CHASE SCENE: THE MOVIE!)

Former race car driver Brent Magna(!) played by Ethan Hawke, comes home to find that his wife has been kidnapped. A mysterious caller tells him to go to a parking garage, where he finds a Shelby GT500 Mustang. It's armored and equipped with many cameras that watch his every move. Bart Magma must use this car to perform various jobs or his wife will be killed.

Barry Magnet is soon joined by The Kid(SELENA GOMEZ! )The Kid is street smart, sassy, and says "asshole" a lot. The Mustang belongs to her, and she attempts to retrieve it by carjacking Burt Mongoose. It doesn't work out, and she finds herself hostage to all the shenanigans!(She's also an expert hacker, which allows her to manipulate the video feeds of all those cameras).

Bark Manflex and The Kid spend the majority of the film evading the cops.Wait, evade isn't the right word, since most of the cops end up smashed to pieces inside their vehicles.  You see, the  mystery man on the phone(Jon Voight)needs Burn Magnesium to cause mayhem as a distraction so he can pull off a robbery.

Without giving away the ending, I'll just say that Mustang gets pretty well demolished. And the whole film takes place in Bulgaria, on Christmas for some reason.

IS THIS THE END OF BARB MANIFOLD?